I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
