Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
