there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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