i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
