You're so nebulous sometimes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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