We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
