I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
