wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
