I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
