Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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