guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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