My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
