I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
