people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
