hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
