i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
