btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
