hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
