i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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