apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
