She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
