Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
