I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
