2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
