Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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