God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
