i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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