Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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