call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
