For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
