i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
