i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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