I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
