3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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