Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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