I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
