There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
