You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
