dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
