when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
