I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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