I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
