my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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