A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
