Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
