So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When are your genitals available?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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