I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
