Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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