if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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