so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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