I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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