Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
