my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i love accidental penises.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
