If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
