All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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