also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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