Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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