The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
did you just send me my own nude
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
