Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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