I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
