don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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