Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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