yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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