D3 body, D1 cock
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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