she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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